So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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