look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
