Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
