i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
