there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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