Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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