I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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