Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize