I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
