I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's always time for handjobs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
