Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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