I wanna bring you to show and tell
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
