so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's always time for handjobs
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
