All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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