I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Randomize
