whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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