how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Welp...herpes.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
