Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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