I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
