I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
