This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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