I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my shit smells like andre
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
50% drunk capacity currently
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize