he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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