Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
either way he was missing a nipple.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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