don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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