Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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