be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
