chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
