Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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