i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
too bad you live with your parents still
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
