I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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