Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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