he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
