THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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