Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need to align my fucking chakras
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize