end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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