Your face is a jimmy john
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
