he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
