If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
