Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
