He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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