there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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