I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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