New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
