let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
