this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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