I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
