nutella sex= disaster
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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