He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
