let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
