fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
