Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
