She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
