I want to walk on stilts...naked
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
