This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
