Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
