Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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