careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
