oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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