Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
