i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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