I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
