What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
