at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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