so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
