we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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