im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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