textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize