I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
