Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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